...

I wonder if the executive dysfunction from ADHD gets worse when you get older, or if it's just more noticable. You'd think with a condition like that it'd get better over time, right?

My ability to start and finish projects just seems to diminish by the day. Including this website. I've had this site since I started college at 18, and now I'm going on 22 and my site is still a WIP with little to no substance. There's kids on here who've been interested in web development and coding for half the time I have and they've got enough projects to fill a portfolio. Meanwhile, I still haven't got my degree, and my hard drive is just filled with dozens and dozens of projects that will never see the light of day.

Honestly it's really disheartening. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying but even the most basic tasks feel like sisyphean efforts at this point in my life, let alone the things I love.

Can I even chalk it up to executive dysfunction alone? Is it a lack of self-disipline? Laziness? Depression? I doubt the constant dread I feel does me any favors. Is it some other problem I have yet to put a label on? Not like the labels help when there's so much overlap in terms of symptoms.

Not trying to turn this blog into a dumping ground for all my negative thoughts. I have an actual therapist for that. I'm doing what I can to take care of my problems. I'm more just expressing my sheer confusion and frustration at my situation. Like, if there is a God, what else am I supposed to do here? Is there something I'm missing? Where do I go? What do I do? Who am I? Yadda yadda...

At least Breaking Bad is good.